Poem By: Billy Alsbrooks
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You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Ignorant of the inner warfare I’m involved in
The scratching and clawing of the unforgettable
It’s like a thousand feral cats trying to get out of me
You see the facade
The charade and daily parade
But truthfully, I’m angry all the time
The slightest thing will set me off
Emotional storms descend upon me from nowhere
Please, please
I’m begging you please!
Don’t set me off
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the ferals
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Outer reflections don’t give you the whole story
You don’t see the scars, the bruises, the claw marks
Come, come see the demons that sit by my bed
Any opportunity they get to torture me, they do
They constantly remind me of life’s betrayals
All the days that I sat in the corner of my room
Chained to the inner pews forced to listen to the sermon of the strays
My ears heard every unspoken voice
Even knew the coptic language they’re were speaking in
But you don’t know the struggles I go through
You don’t know the ferals
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Outer reflections don’t give you the whole story
You don’t see the scars, the bruises, the claw marks
Come, come see the demons that sit by my bed
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
No
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
I don’t expect you to understand
‘Cause you don’t know the ferals
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I’ve let things in my house that refuse to leave
You don’t know the price I paid for this
There’s a dark behind the darkness
Even my nights have nights
Wherever I go, they come with me
Other people can’t see them,
but they’re there trust me they’re there
Sitting right here next to me
You would run if you knew what was here
But they would find you like they found me
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Ignorant of the warfare that I’m involved in
It’s like a thousand feral cats trying to get out of me
They bite and slash at every thought I have
I’m sure they would kill me if they wanted
But they enjoy having me to toy with
I used to fight back, until I realized it was pointless
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the ferals
I said you don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the ferals
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I bought a box of colors the other day
When I got home, I opened it up
Every color in the box was black
I cut my finger on purpose
My rationale was that the color of blood would at least give my life some contrast
It dripped down onto the paper
Innocent, virgin white paper
Sadistic voices started to draw
Memories began to outline and rape the pages
Then finally, the trauma opened the closet
He laughed and criticized the work
Called it, “Childish” and said that, “I scribbled like a kindergartener before the abuse.”
He said, “What do you know about pain?
What do you know about pain?!”
He took over, I watched like a coward
Tearing the paper into pieces, he sat down at the piano
As his fingers began to play, the feral cats became his choir
Horrific were the notes and chords he summoned
Mortal ears have never heard such vibrations of madness
Such violent acoustics of hopelessness and despair
The darkness danced to his perverted melodies
Horrific were the notes and chords he summoned
Horrific were the notes and chords he summoned
You don’t know what I’m going through
You don’t know the ferals
The shadows made love to his symphony
As the talons ripped into me
The victim said…
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“You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Ignorant of the inner warfare I’m involved in
Outer reflections don’t give you the whole story
Come, come see the demons that sit by my bed”
Please, I’m begging you please
Don’t set me off
You don’t know what I’m capable of when I get like this
When the talons of the felines begins to draw on my insides
You don’t know what I’m capable of
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Your don’t know the ferals…”
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I lay on my bed looking up at the fan
The silence trying to get its arms around me
The moment has its hands around my throat
Relentlessly my mind seeks to destroy any calm that attempts to show its face
Lies gather around my identity
I’m completely encircled with no path to escape
They begin to tighten the ring around me closing in
Their fangs out, slowly coming closer
Mouths lusting with hunger for my everything
Lost in the forest of my own thinking
I’m alone here without a hero to save me
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the ferals
The oak trees witness my demise
To scared to intervene on my behalf
War drums beating from the distance
The ferals marching in step towards their prey
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You’ve never been eaten slowly from the inside
The hunters are so patient, they enjoy to feed
Savoring every bite of me as they swallow my future
Licking my tainted days off their bloody lips
My thoughts flipping back and forth between the woods and the bed I’m dying on
Desperation sets in
Misery arises as the mind terror ensues
To fight them I must tear back my skin
The ferals are within
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Ignorant of the warfare I’m involved in
Outer reflections don’t give you the whole story
You don’t see the scars,the bruises, the claw marks
You don’t know the ferals
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
Please, I’m begging you please
Don’t set me off
You don’t know what I’m capable of when I get like this
You don’t know the struggles that I go through
You don’t know the ferals
You can’t see the monsters in my head
You don’t know the ferals
You can’t see the monsters in my head
Sermon of the Strays…
